i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
