I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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