Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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