just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
