I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
