You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
