bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Randomize
