I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
