i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
