I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
