using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
