Yo dont text me then not text me
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
