i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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