I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
