Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
