I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
