There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
