I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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