i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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