he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
