Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
