My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
