His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
