Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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