You made me cry and you don't even care
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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