i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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