Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
