what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
