i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It's shark week go big or go home
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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