It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize