you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Randomize
