you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
