I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
