I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
