Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
