Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
