Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
false alarm, still single
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
