if i can run in heels then i can drive
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
