if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
