new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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