I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
