Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
