You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
