what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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