Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
