Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
