i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
