if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
