apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Couch. On fire.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
