so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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