i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I think people are normalizing furries
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
