I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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