can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
