I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
